A romance or matrimonial scam is when someone builds a fake relationship with you online, over weeks or months, before asking for money — usually through a sudden "emergency" or a gift stuck in customs. If you are being asked for money by someone you have never met in person, on a video call, or verified independently: stop, do not send anything, and do not feel foolish for asking questions now. This scam is built to feel like real love, and it works on smart, careful people every single day. If you have already paid, skip to the recovery section below and call 1930 now.
What makes this scam different from others
Most scams try to scare or rush you in minutes. This one is patient. The scammer — often working from a script, sometimes as part of an organised group — invests weeks of ordinary conversation before ever mentioning money. By the time the request comes, you are not dealing with a stranger's demand. You are dealing with someone you believe cares about you, asking for help. That emotional investment is exactly what makes it hard to walk away, and why victims keep paying even after doubt creeps in.
How romance and matrimonial scams actually work
The pattern repeats with small variations across dating apps, matrimonial sites, and even social media DMs.
Step 1 — The profile. It is polished: attractive photos, a plausible job (often described as an engineer, doctor, or someone working abroad — on an oil rig, in the armed forces, or on a foreign project), and a bio written to seem warm and genuine. On matrimonial sites, the profile is presented as a serious marriage prospect, complete with family details that sound reassuring.
Step 2 — The quick move off the platform. Within a few messages, the person suggests moving the conversation to WhatsApp, Telegram, or a personal email — "this app keeps logging me out" or "let's talk properly, add me here." This matters: once you're off the platform, there is no one moderating, no report button, and no trail the app's safety team can see.
Step 3 — Weeks of daily intimacy. This is the core of the con. Good morning and good night messages, questions about your day, compliments, talk of a shared future, sometimes even discussion of meeting family or wedding plans. It can go on for weeks or months. The relationship feels real because, from your side, it is real — you are genuinely investing time and feeling.
Step 4 — The video call is always just out of reach. You ask to see them on a call. There is always a reason not now: bad network on the rig, a work meeting, a "shy" personality, a broken camera. A voice note or two might arrive to keep suspicion low, but a live video call somehow never quite happens.
Step 5 — The manufactured crisis. Then comes the turn. A typical version goes like this: "I sent you a gift, jewellery and a phone, through international courier. Customs has stopped it and is asking for a clearance fee before they'll release it." Another common version: a medical emergency, a stranded relative, a work visa problem, or a "business opportunity" they want you to invest in together. The story is specific, urgent, and framed as something only you can help with, right now.
Step 6 — Escalating transfers. The first amount is often small enough to seem reasonable — a "customs fee," a "processing charge." Once paid, a new obstacle appears: additional tax, a bribe for a customs officer, a bigger medical bill. Each payment is framed as the last one needed to finally be together or to get the gift released. Victims keep paying because stopping now feels like losing everything already invested — money and, more painfully, the relationship itself.
Step 7 — Silence. Once the money stops coming, or once you push too hard for a video call or a real meeting, the account often goes quiet, gets deleted, or blocks you.
The red flags
| What the scammer does | What a genuine relationship looks like |
|---|---|
| Wants to move off the dating or matrimony app within days | Is comfortable continuing on the platform until you both choose otherwise |
| Refuses or keeps postponing a live video call | Is willing to video call within a reasonable time if both sides want to |
| Claims to work far away — oil rig, foreign army posting, overseas project | Can be, but combined with money requests and no video call, this becomes a serious flag |
| Declares love or a serious future within days or a couple of weeks | Builds trust gradually, in step with how long you have actually known each other |
| Asks for money for customs, medical bills, or a "stuck" gift | Never asks a person they haven't met in person for money, under any framing |
| Sends grainy or inconsistent photos, or images found elsewhere online | Photos are consistent and match the person on a video call |
| Gets upset, guilt-trips, or threatens to end things when you hesitate to pay | Respects hesitation and does not pressure you financially |
on dating or matrimony site"] --> B["Pushes chat to
WhatsApp fast"] B --> C["Weeks of daily
loving messages"] C --> D{"Asked for
a video call"} D -->|"Refuses with excuses"| E["Manufactured emergency
or stuck gift parcel"] E --> F["First request
for money"] F --> G["Escalating
transfers"] G --> H["Goes silent
once money stops"] A --> S1["Reverse image
search the photo"] D --> S2["Insist on a
live video call"] C --> S3["Tell one trusted
person about it"] S1 --> X["Scam exposed early"] S2 --> X S3 --> X style A fill:#1e3a5f,stroke:#3B82F6,color:#e2e8f0 style B fill:#1e3a5f,stroke:#3B82F6,color:#e2e8f0 style C fill:#1e3a5f,stroke:#3B82F6,color:#e2e8f0 style D fill:#1e3a5f,stroke:#3B82F6,color:#e2e8f0 style E fill:#5f1e1e,stroke:#EF4444,color:#e2e8f0 style F fill:#5f1e1e,stroke:#EF4444,color:#e2e8f0 style G fill:#5f1e1e,stroke:#EF4444,color:#e2e8f0 style H fill:#5f1e1e,stroke:#EF4444,color:#e2e8f0 style S1 fill:#1e3d2f,stroke:#10B981,color:#e2e8f0 style S2 fill:#1e3d2f,stroke:#10B981,color:#e2e8f0 style S3 fill:#1e3d2f,stroke:#10B981,color:#e2e8f0 style X fill:#1e3d2f,stroke:#10B981,color:#e2e8f0
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If someone you have never met in person, and never seen live on video, is asking you for money — stop before you send it.
- Do not send the money. Not even a "small" clearance fee. There is no legitimate parcel, customs charge, or emergency that requires payment from you to a stranger's relationship.
- Ask for a live video call right now, on a call you initiate, not a pre-recorded clip. A real person who cares about you will not refuse this indefinitely.
- Verify independently. Search their name, photo, and any workplace or organisation they claim, using your own search — never a link or contact they gave you.
- Tell one person you trust — a friend, sibling, or parent — about the relationship and the money request, today. Scammers deliberately isolate victims by asking them to keep things "private" or "our secret." Breaking that isolation is often what stops the scam.
- If you already sent money once, do not send more to "complete" the process or "get it all back." That request for a second, third, or fourth payment is the scam continuing, not ending.
- Report the profile and block the account. Also report the phone number at sancharsaathi.gov.in.
If you have already paid or shared details
Speed decides whether any of this money can be recovered. Every hour that passes makes it more likely the funds have already moved through several accounts and out of reach.
- Call 1930 — the National Cyber Crime Helpline — immediately. This is the fastest way to request a freeze on the receiving account before the money is withdrawn.
- File a complaint at cybercrime.gov.in, the government's National Cyber Crime Reporting Portal, even after calling 1930. This creates the formal record investigators use.
- Call your bank directly, using the number on your card or its official website, and ask them to flag the transaction, freeze what they can, and open a dispute per RBI rules.
- Preserve every piece of evidence: screenshots of the chat, the profile, any photos or "documents" sent, the UPI ID or bank account details you paid, the transaction ID or UTR number, and the exact time and amount of each payment.
- Do not send any further money, even if a new person contacts you claiming they can recover what was lost for an upfront fee — this is a well-documented second-stage scam that targets people who already lost money once.
How to protect family, especially elderly and recently-widowed relatives
Romance and matrimonial scams disproportionately target people who are lonely, recently widowed, or searching for companionship later in life.
- Talk about this scam openly with parents and older relatives, without judgment — "this is what a common scam looks like," not "don't trust people."
- Agree on a family rule: any new online relationship that asks for money, even a small amount, gets discussed with family before anything is sent.
- Encourage a video call early on, and offer to sit with them for it if they're unsure how.
- Remind them that real feelings can exist inside a scam — the pain of losing a relationship is real even when the person was not. There is no shame in being targeted by people who do this full time.
This chart reflects commonly reported pretexts described in victim accounts and government advisories, shown as an illustrative breakdown — not a precise published survey figure.
This scam pattern has been documented by Bachao.AI, a consumer scam-awareness initiative from Dhisattva AI Pvt Ltd, drawing on advisories from India's cybercrime authorities. The Ministry of Home Affairs' most recent annual report specifically flagged a related pattern — often called a "pig butchering" or investment scam — that builds trust over time before moving victims toward financial loss, and noted it disproportionately affects unemployed youth, housewives, and students (Source: MHA Annual Report, cited in national reporting, January 2025).